Overcoming the Fear of Sharing Yourself Online (and how to approach being visible in a more gentle way)

Anyone who has started a business, especially if you’re doing it alone, has felt the deep fear of sharing themselves and becoming visible online.

I still remember the first article I ever published on this blog. It felt like such a big thing to hit publish on that article, even though I literally hadn’t shared my website with anyone, and in reality, no-one was going to see it.

I remember showing it to my friend and cringing while she read it, feeling waves of embarrassment, discomfort and even shame.

When she told me she had showed it to a friend, I felt even more exposed- even though the whole point of setting up a business/blog was to have other people see my work!

Yet this was something that happened for quite a while, in different ways.

In retrospect, and now that I’ve worked with other women setting up businesses, I’ve noticed that a fear of visibility online comes up around three main things.

1) The fear of doing something outside the norm. Something that isn’t as mainstream, that isn’t readily accepted in our world. Many women who offer work in areas such as spirituality, holistic healing or feminine knowledge feel this deeply

2) The fear of creating a business around our more vulnerable, creative, heart and soul based work, that perhaps doesn’t fall into a linear idea of what a business should look like.

2) The fear of not having the authority or being enough of an expert to share (a sort of imposter syndrome that makes us think, Who are we to speak on this? Who are we to create this?)

For many of us who have a business around something that is different from our old job/role/main skillset, these fears are exemplified even more, as often we are still developing confidence in our offerings (as well as developing confidence in the idea of moving from employee to business owner).

Our businesses are often in the realm of something more unconventional or creative than what we’ve been taught is the correct, linear, sensible route to success/money/security/social acceptance- something that causes our subconscious to believe that we’re not allowed to follow our desires.

And usually, we have a sense of integrity around not trying to present ourselves as more knowledgeable and expert than we actually are. The whole ‘fake it till you make it’ mantra just feels off to our souls, and presenting ourselves as some-one we’re not feels manipulative.

Which means that if you’re a sensitive soul setting up a new business on your own, the fear of visibility can be intense- and sometimes even debilitating, leading you into freeze mode (which looks like overwhelm, procrastination, perfectionism, inaction, self doubt and wanting to give up)

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When I was grappling with this, I noticed that a lot of the rhetoric around being visible (especially in the business coaching space) was that this fear was something that needed to be ‘overcome’ if you were to make it in your business.

But looking back, I completely disagree.

I think that taking on this BELIEF, that we can’t be successful until we push ourselves into uncomfortable levels of visibility, can hold us back in our business.

Because in reality, becoming visible in what we wish to ofter the world, is an ongoing process that requires compassion for ourselves, an understanding of the external energetics and projections that we are operating within, and an acceptance that we have our own pace, preferences and needs around our level of visibility online. When we get rid of the belief that we need to do things a certain way (eg be confident and visible everywhere, even where it feels unsafe) we can choose a more empowering belief that allows us to take action and create results where we are.

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I remember a mentor I was looking to work with said to me when I was sharing my fears around being seen, 'It’s none of your business what other people think of you.’

And while I completely understand and agree with this at a mental level, I also know that this doesn’t matter, if our nervous system and sensitivities tell us otherwise.

Because what often tends to happen when we fear visibility (which in essence, is the fear of how others will respond to us), is that we retreat. We think that we can’t run a business until we are healed from this fear, and we stop sharing ourselves. Which mean we are unable to build up confidence in our work, starting the cycle of fear and imposter syndrome again.

What I learnt from my own experience with being seen online, is that I needed to slowly build on my capacity for visibility, healing the fears in a sustainable way.

Because when I shamed myself for not being confident enough, or tried to pretend that I was some-one or somewhere I wasn’t, I felt yuck and out of integrity.

And when I thought that I could only move forward if I healed this fear, I became trapped in inaction and procrastination, thinking that I had to shift things BEFORE I could take action. Which meant I was waiting for some big shift that just didn’t happen, because the catalyst for the shift was actually taking action!

What DID help me to overcome my fear of visibility were these four things…

read on

This full piece of writing now lives in the Gentle Creation ebook if you would like to read more.

Belinda x